Quitting from work is what most of us like to do. We forever crave for it, but that’s about as far as we get-dreaming. Working an 8-5 shift just looks inevitable. I, James Gillard, however am a master at defying the ineluctable. I stare ‘The Unavoidable’ in the face and call him dirty names. I say, if you like to quit your job, QUIT WORKING; I’ll even give you 5 reasons why you should.
1. If you stop working you’ll have plenty of time to reading good articles such as this one. This will enable me to become a household name down at the Office of Unemployment and Welfare Services. My famousness is a small price to pay for you living your dreams. You’ll think of this when you see me on TV shows today.
2. Quitting your job will make you feel wonderful. You’ll be in cloud nine in 10 minutes, you’ll be on top of the world, you’ll have a good life, you’ll be: -insert your own cliche here-. Then the worries start about the car note, the mortgage, the kid’s school clothes, groceries, and and how you’re going to pay the amount you owe to other companies. All this will bring depression up to the extent of attempting suicide, but at least you had 10 minutes of freedom.
3. Daytime TV shows is considered the most thrilling and fascinating television in the market. You’ll inquire how come you get to survive without all those quality soap operas, daytime talk shows, and judge shows where you get the sinking suspicion that the judge has been paid off. Combine this with all the educational advertisements that air during the daytime that will ‘Show you how to make $1,000 a day stuffing envelopes, ‘Teach you to drive a tractor trailer in 4 days’, ‘Allow you to get a degree from home’ in such exciting fields as GED preparation and septic tank scrubber’ and you’ll not just think why you didn’t leave your job sooner, you promise you won’t get back to work again.
4. In your previous job you missed all those important calls from collection agencies and other bill collectors. Now that you have resigned you’ll be able to sit at home in eager anticipation of these oh-so-important calls. Toss in a few telemarketers, calls from various associations begging for donations, and a few of those computers that call you and ask you to ‘Hold for an important message’ and you’ll have a full day of just answering the phone. It’s like having a job again, without getting a salary.
5. Drawing yourself out of bed every morning at 5:30 a.m. doesn’t help your body. Your physician will proud of you that caring for your body is your priority to go as far as resigning from your job. He won’t see you anymore, however, because you no longer have health insurance. We have free clinics though, and you don’t have to worry. Waiting all day in this clinic next to young teenagers diagnosed with Gonorrhea is is another wonderful experience you will surely miss if you had kept your day job.
That’s it folks. Five raesons why you should go out and resign from your job. Feel free to quote any of these reasons to your employer when you turn in your two weeks notice. If she asks where in the world you get that information say to her that unselfish friend of humanity gave them to you free of charge, and all I wanted in return was that you think of me next time you need your septic tank scrubbed…
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